Shards of a life I once Knew
by HeartShapeBruise
Summary: Remus visits his love. One-shot. Very sad...


_Shards of me _

_Too sharp to put back together _

_To small to matter _

_But big enough to cut me_  
  
Breath no More—Evanescence –

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Everyone had lost something in the war. Whether you lost family, friends, enemies, everyone had lost something. Remus was not to be excluded in the pain the war had caused. Oh sure, some would consider him lucky. The love of his life was still alive, still breathing the air that many would not. She was still able to see the flowers, feel the cold wind again her face, and Remus was still able to see, feel, and touch her. In fact, everyday Remus would visit her. Today was no exception.

Remus walked entered the place that was soon becoming his second home. He took the, oh so, familiar path to her room.

"Back again Mr.Lupin?" Clarissa asked. She was the head nurse of the psychiatric ward.

Remus just smiled and walked passed her, into her room. She was sitting in a lone chair stationed by the window, her frail body sitting up right in the chair, staring out the window at some fixation in her mind. Her mousy brown hair was cut below her ears, her skin unnaturally pale. She turned to look who had entered her room. Remus saw that her eyes were dark, not vibrant like the years before.

"Hello." Her voice had even changed. Last year, it would have sounded cheery, pleasant, like music to the ears. Now, Remus often thought of it as a haunting, dreary voice.

"Hello Hermione, I brought you flowers."

"Thank you..." She looked out the window again. Remus took out yesterday's flowers as he replaced them with today's flowers. Slowly, he made his way over to his love, sitting behind her on her bed.

"What are you looking at?" he questioned.

"Can't you see silly? Look..." She pointed to the center of the window. "Over there Draco and Harry are practicing quidditch. Ron and Luna are sitting underneath that tree, I am so happy they got together, although it does take away from his study time. I don't know where Ginny ran off to, probably to snog some ravenclaw. It's such a beautiful day; I wish I could go outside. Can't you see?" Remus nodded, choking back tears. All he could see was a stone wall.

"I really want to go outside, but Mommy said I can't. She said I've been playing with matches for too long and the fire is going to burn me if I keep playing." She turned to look at Remus.

"Do I know you?"

Something inside Remus shattered, every time he heard those words. 412 times.

"You don't remember me love?" Hermione looked closely at Remus. She brought her hands to his face, running her cool fingertips down his cheeks and over his lips. She cradled his face in her hands, and his went to cover hers. Maybe this time...

"Am I supposed to know you?" Tears were now slowly leaking out of the corner of his eyes. Remus was about to open his mouth to say something, but a crisp knock at the door silenced his words.

"It's time for your medicine sweetheart." Clarissa announced.

"Oh, Just put it on the table Martha. I was just having a lovely conversation with the nice gentleman." Shifting in her chair, Hermione struggled to get on her feet; Remus helped her maintain her balance. Hermione replied with a curt 'Thank you'.

"Hermione... It's me, Remus." He told her once Clarissa left the room, assured Hermione had taken the medicine provided.

"Remus... Oh Yes, you're the man who works for the order, the werewolf right?"

_Of all the things she remembers..._

"Yes, well, Harry always raves about you, but I've never met you, so it's a pleasure." She extended her arm, waiting for a handshake.

"No, We have met, we were married for five years, we have a child together. Don't you remember?" Her face contorted with confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"Don't you remember anything? The war? Remember?" She had now closed her eyes, thinking. "Please try to remember." Remus reached for Hermione's hand, grasping it, urging her to remember what happened, everything that she had blocked out. "Please... for me..." tears poured down his face, but he didn't care... if he could get her to remember.

"War? No... there hasn't been a war yet... wait... How do you know about the war? You're a spy! A Death eater! DUMBLEDORE! Harry! Ron! SOMEONE!" her shrieks brought three doctors into the room, as well as a few nurses. Remus sat on His lover's bed, watching as they tried to restrain her.

"Where's Harry? We've got to tell him there's a spy that Pettigrew is the spy! Sirius was innocent! Don't Trust him, he's a werewolf! Ron! No! HE'S A SPY!"

"Hermione, Harry is dead. Their all gone Hermione." The doctors were telling her.

"NO! YOU'RE LYING! YOU ARE ALL LYING! HARRY ISN"T DEAD! REMUS ISN'T GONE! HE CAN'T LEAVE ME. I LOVE HIM." The doctors had now injected Hermione with some Muggle tranquilizer. Her tears and scream ripped through Remus, who was now waiting outside of her room. Patients were staring at him, wondering why he was crying, why there was screaming. The screams died down after a few minutes, and Remus knew she would be in her own world soon. The doctors left the room, shutting the door without a second glance at Remus.

"What did you do?"

"Tried to get her to remember."

"Mr.Lupin, you know she won't remember anything."

"Why can't we try a spell? Charm? Something?"

"The magic will poison her system."

"Isn't there any way to get her to remember?" Remus sighed defeated.

"Any time she tries she tends to – "

"I KNOW! Don't you think I know all of this? I took her to the best damn doctors, and everyone says the same thing! Magic will poison her, She get violent when she tries to remember, she starts to ramble about insane things."

"I'm sorry."

"No, your not goddamn sorry, you don't give a flying fuck how I feel, if you did, you would help her." Remus collapsed to the floor, letting the bitter tears fall.

"I'm sorry Mr.Lupin, There isn't anything we can do."

Remus heard her harsh footsteps walk away as he sat there and cried for his lost love. Time flew by as Remus sat on the floor, in a daze. About twenty minutes after he had fallen, he slowly stood up, and opened the door to Hermione's room.

There was no light in the room. Remus saw Hermione's gentle figure outlined by the sheets on her bed. Pulling up a chair, he sat down and entwined his fingers with her. "I'm so sorry." He whispered. "I'm so sorry Hermione. I didn't want this to happen. I didn't want you to get so sick. If only you hadn't done that spell, nothing like this would be happening. You'd still have your magic, and I'd still have my Hermione. I'm so sorry that I left. I will never leave you again. I promise. I promise" He gently kissed the back of her hand. "I'll see you again, the same time tomorrow."

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Please review.... I wanna know what you think.


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